Archive for the ‘FUNNY’ Category

REASONS I SAID NO PART ONE

Posted: January 27, 2013 by JDM aka JACKIE SPEAKS in DATING AND RELATIONSHIPS, DRAMA, FUNNY, JACKIESPEAKS247 BLOG, PEOPLE, SERIOUSLY

REASONS I SAID NO (DATING BLOG)

You guys know I love to blog! Well here is something that you can probably relate to!

DATING!

I will sum it up in a list dedicated to “REASONS WHY I SAID NO” and include short stories to back up each guy for your entertainment. This will be an ongoing blog every time a new situation arises..someone asked me to share my “list” so they can avoid it, imagine that!

“REASONS I SAID NO LIST” PART ONE:

(potential blind date guy) -> This JUST happened recently. Dear blind date guy, your friend tells me you are stopping by where we were hanging out. I could care less, however I spoke to you on the phone and you said “I am at the gym then headed to you guys”. You then text friend to tell me that you cannot come, and that you will make it up. I tell him, i don’t wanna meet you, that you said you were fat and I didn’t care if I met you anyway. He says you’re a GOOD GUY and that you are ATTRACTIVE and IN SHAPE and FUNNY and to go on a blind date with you that he will arrange “Give him a chance” he says.

  • NO: Why am I being tricked into a 1980’s version of dating?
  • NO: Something doesn’t feel right.
  • NO: I don’t do “BLIND DATES”
  • NO: I ask to see a picture of you (which I immediately hate): You are sitting down holding two bottles of alcohol wearing a white tee with a dumb look on your face that screams (I pop bottles with money I should be saving because I am broke, and implies you think a good time with me must involve alcohol)
  • NO: I don’t do “hood rich”
  • NO: I added your instagram to view more photos of you (maybe there is a decent one who am I to judge you right?) IT WASNT GOOD.
  • NO: I don’t do sunglasses at night, and neither should you unless you have a million dollar recording deal and it is at your video shoot for hit record.
  • NO: I see pics of your not one or two but maybe three kids, AND a pic of your PREGNANT girlfriend with 4th kid on the way with a caption stating this.
  • NO: I do not date guys with girlfriends, or wives.
  • NO: I do not date guys that LIE, or try to live double lives.
  • NO: I see more pics that make me think WHY WOULD I DATE THIS GUY.
  • NO NO AND ABSOLUTELY NO…. I didn’t give my info to anyone that can find me to set up this date, however they are on my IG. I will have to remove them immediately as this inspired my current list!

(The following applies to several people, no story needed)

  • NO: You never expressed your interest in me before, and are now suddenly infatuated to the point of no return. (Something is wrong here)  
  • NO: You are not over your ex girl and are in denial about it (so many of you forget I can prove this in many ways beginning with your publicizing it)
  • NO: Do not ask me out if you are seeing or fxcking your ex.
  • NO: You live far as shit and are not picking me up or offering a way for me to get to you (what is chivalry over?)
  • NO: You immediately want me to be your “wifey” and we barely know each other.-That is a cry for help.
  • NO: You dated a friend or family member of mine in past-YOU ARE ON MY NO FLY LIST JUST FOR THAT, no explanation needed.
  • NO: You still have “braids” and ginormous earrings, this is not a reggaeton video and this is not 1999. STOP
  • NO: You want to date me but want to be indoors all the time. (That isn’t dating)
  • NO: You make things inconvenient
  • NO: You are a stage five clinger
  • NO: You have the attention span of a fly
  • NO: You are publicly a thirst bucket on all social networks
  • NO: You are trying to exit the friend zone when you haven’t been given any incentive, play your position!
  • THERE WILL BE MORE NO’S….. keep an eye out for the yes list. lol

-JDM

SUBMIT YOUR “NO’S” AND I WILL POST THEM UP!